Okay, it is a slightly odd topic for my first blog but hey, it is happening and it is topical. Or should that be tropical….?
Just when the Met Office warned us of imminent hosepipe bans because of thirsty reservoirs, etc, the heavens open.
Now, like many of you I am not a fan of rain. Sure, it serves its purpose but boy, we love to hate it.
What amuses me is the various ways in which rain manifests itself. When it pisses down unexpectedly our defence mechanism suddenly kicks in. We head for any shelter we can find – a butcher shop awning, an old dear with the smallest brolly ever and shop doorways (something the homeless frown upon. Well, it is like passers-by suddenly arrowing for the entrance of your terraced house in the peaceful burbs before claiming squatters rights).
So, why the terror? It is hardly acid rain or napalm (death, two fine metal bands there…) yet we leg it like we are racing Usain Bolt for the last iced bun in Gerrards Bakery. Bonkers but brilliant.
We do not run away from showers (in the amenity sense) or throw on our swimming trunks at the pool only to skirt around the edges as if a small child had let go of his bowels under the water.
For some reason it is a hinderance, a thorn in the side to get drenched outdoors, mainly in the day anyway.
For the ladies all those hours in front of a mirror piling on the slap and curling the hair is a waste of time if you venture out brolly-less.
There was a time when blokes would not give two hoots about receiving a mid-afternoon golden shower from God. But hey, it is the era of the metrosexual – a bit of rain will ruin the quiff, man bag and see the guyliner stream all over the pretty little boat races.
Yup, even at this stage of my blog I am starting to realise rain is a pretty boring subject, but I digress.
Even pets seem to hate it, dogs particularly. They are acutely aware they stink once their hair comes into contact with rain. Hence the term, it smells of wet dog. Unpleasant.
Anyway, one positive vibe from the rain I am getting right now is its amazing ability to calm. I have been having a stressful time of it lately but there is something appealing, if a little sadistic, that I am here, warm, indoors with the world at my fingertips while hundreds of thousands of hardy souls are soaked to the bone.
Final thought on the matter for today: either do this yourself or watch someone else do it – go outside, tilt your head back and open your mouth to the acrid delights of rainwater. Yeah, you do look stupid and yeah, it probably is your cum face.
